Can you remember a time when a discussion with your partner escalated without warning to a blowup, followed by distance? UCLA researcher and psychologist, Dr. Thomas Bradbury, uses the term “enduring vulnerabilities” to describe sensitivities we develop, often in childhood. These vulnerabilities can trigger strong reactions in adulthood. Knowing our sensitivities, and our partner’s, can …
Have you ever heard a couple say proudly, “We’ve never had an argument.” Many couples assume that the goal in relationships is to not fight. However, setting this goal is expecting a lot of yourself. You and your spouse are human and are going to do or say things that might hurt or make the …
Most of us recall the old Simon and Garfunkel hit “I am a Rock,” where the singer describes living a contented life isolated from others. Toward the end of the song the tempo slows considerably as the subject of the song expresses “And a rock feels no pain; And an island never cries.” We all …
Dr. John Gottman uses The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a metaphor to describe unhelpful and destructive communication styles. Gottman contends that using these four styles of communication harm our relationships. Relationships are not doomed because partners quarrel. Gottman’s research shows that happy couples argue, but they argue in ways that avoid The Four …
My dad once directed me to, “Look at where you’re at, where you want to be, and then take the next best step to get there.” At the time I was graduating from high school and trying to figure out which university to attend. I knew I wanted to be an English Major, but that …
The metaphor of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is used by Dr. John Gottman to describe communication styles. According to Gottman, these styles of communication predict and contribute to ailing relationships. The Four Horsemen can be perilous because they often strengthen negativity and harm relationships. Avoiding The Four Horsemen builds friendship, helps us manage …
I consider it important for me to be aware of treatment options available for my clients. Recently, this one specific treatment option has been beeping onto my radar over and over: NEUROFEEDBACK. I first became impressed by Neurofeedback when I saw a little boy struggling with behaviors, tantrums, violent outbursts become calm, and for the first …
5 Thoughts About Kissing What does kissing have to do with predicting longevity, health, and emotional well-being? Kissing is steeped in magic and mystery. And yet, kissing often settles into a quick peck on the lips before we return to our to-do list. In all relationships, behaviors and words can be misunderstood. Feeling misunderstood results …
Do you and your spouse have disagreements? Does it feel that your partner just doesn’t hear you? Have you ever found yourself escalating a conversation just to get a reaction from your spouse? If you are like most of us, you can answer yes to at least one of these questions. Good communication is a …
My husband and I had the opportunity this past week to speak at the Share Parents support meeting in Cache Valley about grieving as a couple. Share is a national support group with local chapters who consist of mothers and fathers who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss. Together, my husband and I have lost two …
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