A lot of couples would say that communication is an area in their relationship that they would like to improve upon. The way that we communicate with our spouse and in our marriage can make a big difference in resolving disagreements and having a healthier and happier relationship. A key to effective communication involves the part of the listener and not just the speaker.

When you think about your conversations you have with your spouse, do you notice if you are listening to respond or are you listening to be able to better understand them? Sometimes, we can get caught up in an argument and we focus on our side being heard and making sure the other person hears it. When your spouse is talking to you, are you more focused on getting your side heard or being able to understand theirs? Your side can be heard, just take turns. If things are heating up, take a time out, let your blood pressure come down and return when you are both calm. When talking or arguing with your spouse, you want to be able to be in a position that you can listen not to have to reply to them but so you can understand how they are feeling, why they are feeling this way and what they need.

This can be a hard thing to do, especially when we are used to listening to be able to respond. Being able to listen to understand takes time and practice. You can start by trying to do this in your everyday conversations when your mind is in a state to truly focus on it so then you are better prepared for when there are disagreements and arguments. The way we listen to our partner has just as much of an impact on our communication as the way we speak to them does.