I remember early in in my career I was able to attend a conference where world-renowned researcher John Gottman was the keynote speaker. There were many wonderful things that he shared that day, but one stood out to me as most interesting. Maybe it was because it was so simple. Maybe it was because …
One of the concepts I discuss with those receiving couples counseling is falling in love. I frequently ask them to tell me why they fell for the other when they first got together. They report on things such as: Kindness Sense of humor Connection they felt Physical attraction Enjoyment of time together Similar interests How …
Tonight, as I laughed with my two oldest children while playing a friendly game of “Monopoly Deal”, I could feel all the tension, frustration, and stress from the chaotic evening melt away. I smiled at my son and commented on how good it felt to play a game together. He smiled back and agreed. We …
As Sandra discussed in a recent blog post, many couples over time begin to feel disconnected and distant emotionally and physically. The cool thing is that Nature has a way of boosting that feeling of connection through a hormone produced in our bodies called oxytocin. One of the ways this hormone is released is when …
After having our first child my wife would talk about how thirsty she was in the middle of the night when she was awake breastfeeding the baby. As a kind gesture I would make sure that she had a large glass of water at her bedside table every night before I went to bed. …
Romance is often portrayed and perceived as being an external force that takes over, makes decisions, and leads naturally and spontaneously into a state of dreamy enjoyment. All too frequently I hear couples say, “I shouldn’t have to force wanting to spend time with my partner. It should just happen naturally” or “If sex doesn’t …
One trademark of the holiday season is celebrating with friends, co-workers, and family including in-laws. For many these occasions may be filled with holiday cheer. While for others it may be the part of the season that is dreaded all year. My guess is that for most of us it is a mixture of the …
When we are trying to overcome relationship challenges we can make things worse by trying to fix everything at once. The pattern of the way we relate to others has been established over many years. Many factors such as our upbringing, biology, personal experiences and relationship experiences, just to name a few, have a profound …
There are two “V” skills that every couple should learn together: How to be vulnerable with each other. How to validate each other. Vulnerable: If there is one person that you should be able to feel vulnerable with, it is your spouse/partner. They re the person who should be your first call when something difficult, …
The Two Most Important Skills Couples Should Learn Read More
Much of the rhetoric in our society today focuses on what is best for the individual. Even when talking about a relationship many focus on “What’s in it for me?” When two individuals come together to form a relationship they are creating another entity that needs to be cared for. A healthy relationship has its …
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