I remember early in in my career I was able to attend a conference where world-renowned researcher John Gottman was the keynote speaker. There were many wonderful things that he shared that day, but one stood out to me as most interesting.
Maybe it was because it was so simple. Maybe it was because he made it sound so critical. Maybe it was because it moved so much deeper than any romantic gesture. Maybe it was because it was the first time I thought of a kiss as more than a physical response to a physical attraction. A kiss became an intentional, powerful, and almost magical decision to stay connected.
What he said that day, was “make sure you kiss your spouse everyday, and not a perfunctory one. Really kiss them for at least 60 seconds” I remember laughing to myself and thinking that 60 seconds was not that long. How would that help keep a marriage together? Twelve years, and three kids later, I note his wisdom.
When we take time to kiss our partner, we take time to be with them, connect to them not only physically, but emotionally as well. Each person feels seen and valued. We are able to take time from everything else that demands our attention; i.e. kids, work, dinner, homework, etc., and instead we focus on each other. We reconnect in a meaningful, purposeful, intentional way that sets us up to connect after the kiss.
A 60 second kiss is long enough to create a meaningful ritual that can strengthen your friendship, marriage, and relationship with each other. Additionally, each time we feel physically attracted to our partner through a kiss, our brain releases endorphins that let us know that we enjoyed the connection and it physiologically binds us to the person with whom we had that experience. That means when we see that person, we will get happy feelings and want to be with them more.
Take time today, to really kiss your spouse.
And for those whom the “magic” has seemingly gone out, there is hope and there is healing. Let us help you rediscover the dream you started your relationship with through our marriage counseling services.
