When pain comes into our human lives we know that women, more than men (speaking statistically and categorically) feel more comfortable seeking the support of a counselor.

We also know that men are comfortable expressing a limited range of emotions. While women tend to seek support more freely and feel more free to express themselves with a variety of emotions.

What is interesting to me as a therapist is that no matter who ends up walking into my office, the client’s personal patience for their therapeutic journey becomes a huge factor in the struggle of attending therapy.

Some people attend my office hoping that the work that needs to be done can be done in 10 minutes after they tell me the history of their issue for the first 40 minutes of the session. Others may logically be able to understand that change takes time,  but struggle to allow that time for themselves. For themselves they expect  a quicker, more direct route.

Try adopting a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. What I mean by that is connecting with the mindset that you can master, learn, and get better rather than treating yourself as static and feeling as though you need to have mastered all skills without any practice.

In growth mindset you feel comfortable asking hard questions,  or embarrassing ones. In growth mindset you have a simple and secure belief that there is hope for you and a new set of break throughs is just around the corner. In growth mindset you observe the challenges of your journey with a compassionate mind and subscribe to the belief that all humans struggle, so you are pretty normal for having a hard time. In growth mindset you value the bravery it takes to be vulnerable.

Last, in growth mindset you don’t put time limits on when you need to be over it/through it/at journey’s end. Let yourself have the time and space you need. Give feedback to your counselor about what works for you and what you find ineffective.