Counseling costs money, and takes time. For many it requires a baby sitter. It can be difficult to take on the commitment of counseling. A common question asked is, “How long will counseling take?”
My answer to that is, “Depends.”
It depends on how hard you work. We are together 50-80 minutes a week. The rest of the time you are on your own. Many couples learn skills and promise to practice but return a week later without having done what they said they would. I can’t make the change for you, I can only help you see the path, learn the skills, and give expert advice along the way. If you want to get the most out of counseling, practice, talk, and work at home. Research says up to 40% of change in therapy depends on you and other factors in your life.
It depends on the problem. Often times the issue in the relationship is small and in 6-12 sessions people see a real difference. Many times the issue goes beyond a simple adjustment. Brief therapy is defined as 6- 20 sessions. Some therapists believe that real inner change (not just structural change or learning skills) is only possible with a longer term commitment of two years. For issues like infidelity, I would not expect for the marriage to be in a better place without 6 months to a years worth of work and intervention. Research says that having good outcomes in therapy is contingent on the right length of intervention. In other words, whatever is happening likely will not be fixed in two visits, but you may have more insight by then.
What if we don’t like you as a therapist. That’s easy. Then change therapists! Therapists know that the relationship we have with out clients has a significant impact on their improvement. Research says that up to 30% of the change in therapy can be accounted for based on the therapeutic relationship. For this reason, you should discuss issues you have with the relationship. If they can not be resolved, then change therapists.
What other factor determine the outcome of therapy. The expectancy you have of therapy account for 15% of the change in therapy. The model used in therapy accounts for another 15%.
There are so many factors determining how long therapy will go and only some of them are in your control.
My best advice to anyone for good effective therapy:
If its overwhelming to think of 20 sessions, take it a few at a time.
Have clear goals.
Review progress, and don’t discount small progress.
Make sure you don’t hate your therapist.
Work hard at home.
