Many couples come to counseling stating they hope to improve their communication skills and deepen intimacy. Dr. John Gottman offers a basic conversational map for strengthening our emotional connection. According to Gottman, the first step is to listen non-defensively. Gottman also urges couples to communicate intentionally. Gottman’s three skills and one rule: The rule: Understanding …
School is back in session or will be in the next few days for most kids. Are you looking forward to it or dreading it? Most of us feel some mixed emotions. I know I look forward to getting back into a routine but I dread the homework and getting kids rushed out the door …
If you’ve been to counseling for relationship concerns at Swinton and Associates, chances are decent that your therapist has mentioned The 5 Keys to Healthy Communication. Sound familiar? Essentially they go like this: the speaker has three tasks, which are 1. Share how you feel (emotionally, like frustrated, afraid, or sad). 2. Share why you …
When the first Star Trek reboot film came out in 2009, not only did it finally become cool to like Star Trek, but we were introduced to the cadet version of the highly logical and limitedly emotional character of Spock. For those of you who are now thinking, “Really, Star Trek?” bear with me. What …
I used to keep a needlepoint pillow in my office that had the phrase “It is what it is” stitched across the front of it. I have always loved this idea and have found comfort in my own life when I’ve been able to attain that level of complete acceptance, but it wasn’t until my …
In spite of all my training both personally and professionally, I still have moments when I struggle with how to talk about “the hard things”. We all have those moments where we are so emotionally involved in the situation, that we forget to step back and really look at if our approach is helpful. …
What happens inside of you when someone says “You!” to describe you, your feelings or your behavior? For instance, what if someone asks you, “Why are you always angry?” Or, “What is wrong with you?” Do you feel your internal defenses rising? Dr. Thomas Gordon, clinical psychologist, developed the Gordon Model. Gordon’s method is a …
There are three main types of communication styles and you’ve probably heard of them before: passive, aggressive and assertive. Let’s define what those styles mean. Passive communication means that you often put your other’s rights/needs first and your’s second. Aggressive communication means that your rights/needs take priority and other’s are second. Assertive communication means that …
How to Start Being More Assertive: A Balancing Act Read More
Life is full of tests, trials, hardships, and barriers. Sometimes it seems like they all happen at once. Do you ever find yourself asking, “Why me?” Or trying to figure out what the point of all your tribulation is? In my last semester of grad school I was having one of those weeks, when everything …
Here’s an experiment for you: Take a moment and think about the most recent genuine compliment you remember receiving. Is it hard to come up with one quickly? Hopefully you’re not going too far back in your memory banks to recall that occasion – but chances are that it took a few seconds, at least, …
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