Here’s an experiment for you:
Take a moment and think about the most recent genuine compliment you remember receiving. Is it hard to come up with one quickly? Hopefully you’re not going too far back in your memory banks to recall that occasion – but chances are that it took a few seconds, at least, to identify that event. Now take a moment to recognize the emotion you experienced when recalling the praise. Chances are, the feeling was positive – even remembering praise is powerful!
The 5:1 compliment-to-correction guideline was originally introduced as tool for educators. Research supported the idea that children learn and perform best in an environment that provides consistent praise and occasional redirection. The ratio is 8:1 for children who have behavioral or emotional challenges. It’s important to note, also, that the compliment metric is a minimum recommendation; there is no point in being stingy with true praise.
The value of real praise and in living the 5:1 ratio rule is now applied almost universally to relationship issues in general; from Harvard Business School’s model for developing strong business ethics, to Gottman’s guidance for maintaining happy marriages. Praise is recognized as a powerful ingredient to success.
As adults we know intuitively that our own motivation increases exponentially when we are treated with kindness, respect and collegiality. Unfortunately, it’s hard to avoid negativity in our media-infused and status-obsessed society. And when we are trying to survive in an environment that is saturated with criticism, handing out genuine compliments to others can feel like a tall order. So, while it’s nice to talk about “being the change you want to see in the world,” many feel powerless to do so. So, now what?
Here’s the thing: as adults we also know intuitively that kindness is contagious. My recommendation for learning how to walk the 5:1 walk is simple. Start by giving ONE genuine compliment today. Go out of your way to do it. You literally have nothing to lose. Tomorrow, give TWO genuine compliments. You get the idea. Real change happens slowly but is powerful. Just like praise.
