An ageist joke that has been repeated far too many times, that only adds to the myths and misconceptions of what sex is like as we age, goes something like this:Young couples have sex tri-weekly. Middle aged couples try weekly, and older couples try weakly. This bad joke adds to the misconception that beyond a certain age people have little interest in sex. This is a common misconception. However, the national council on aging did a study of couples 60 and older and they found that 74% of men and 70% of women found their sex lives more satisfying than when they were in their 40’s. The truth is that many factors can contribute to an enhanced sex life as children have left the home and couples have more time alone together.

Here are some other common misconceptions about sex after 50:

As a man ages he loses his ability to get an erection?

Aging itself does not cause erectile dysfunction. Diminishing hormones may make it more difficult to attain an erection and a man may need more stimulations to become aroused. Also, the erection may not be as firm as when he was younger. The refractory period (the time it takes to get another erection) gets longer and may be a few hours up to a few days before another erection can occur. There are some biological factors which do influence a man’s ability to get and maintain an erection such as enlarged prostate and circulation problems and/or medications he may be taking.

Emotional and psychological factors are responsible for a woman’s lack of interest in sex at midlife and beyond?

Physical factors actually play the largest role in a woman’s desire. As women age and experience a decrease in estrogen production through menopause, they can experience a variety of physical symptoms which make sex difficult such as vaginal atrophy (inelastic) and vaginal narrowing, vaginismus (involuntary tightening) or dyspareunia (painful intercourse) and a decrease in vaginal lubrication.

A woman loses her ability to orgasm as she ages?

Some women find it easier to orgasm after menopause and some experience more intense orgasms.

Couples at midlife and beyond who don’t have regular sex have lost interest in each other?

When older couples do not engage in intercourse it is more likely to be because of an illness, medications that decrease sexual desire, or disability. However, as you age sex is not going to be the same as it was when you were in your twenties or 30’s.

I’m going to die of a heart attack if I engage in sexual intercourse?

Your odds of having a heart attack during sexual intercourse is much lower than having a heart attack due to poor air quality. Air pollution, while stuck in traffic, topped the list of potential heart attack triggers, with the researchers pegging 7.4 percent of heart attacks to roadway smog. Coffee was linked to 5 percent of attacks, booze to another 5 percent, and pot smoking to just under 1 percent. Among everyday activities, exerting yourself physically was linked to 6.2 percent of heart attacks, indulging in a heavy meal was estimated to trigger 2.7 percent, and sex was linked to 2.2 percent.

A decrease in sexual desire and activity is an indicator or sexual dysfunction?

Many couples do not worry about their changing sexual functioning. It is not a problem unless it is causing problems in the relationship.

Making the Most of it.

There are changes that occur as we age that will influence sexual decision we make. Here are some tips for making the most of it:

•          Give yourself permission to change “Normal”.

•          Have sex in the morning when the man is less stressed and fatigued (erections are more likely).

•          Mutually explore manual stimulation of genitals.

•          Spend more time in foreplay activities which provide sexual stimulation:               

             –  Bathing together

             –  Massage

             –  Manual stimulation

             –  Communicate more with one another both in and out of the bedroom.

•          Try new sexual positions which increase stimulation or which may be less painful.

•          Take turns receiving and reciprocating sexual pleasure.

•          Use sterile lubrications (KY and Astroglide) to combat dryness.

•          Talk to your doctor about HRT.

•          Women may need to stretch out the vagina again with a dilator.

The most important thing to remember is to embrace changes and continue to enjoy spending time with one another inside and outside of the bedroom.