“The Union Station Yeller”

It was shortly before the Thanksgiving Holiday a few years ago.  As a family we were in Kansas City, MO visiting Science City, a children’s museum at Union Station.  We had forgotten a blanket and pacifier for our infant son, so I ran back out to the car to get them.  While walking back into the building, I witnessed an encounter that involved the woman I now call “The Union Station Yeller.”  A woman in her late 30’s was passionately yelling at another woman with no regard to those around her.  I went on my merry way, thinking nothing more of what I had witnessed, and enjoyed my time with my family.

As we finished up with the children’s museum we decided to stick around for the holiday tree lighting ceremony. Once again, I witnessed “The Union Station Yeller” loudly berating two of the individuals who were with her.  She was screaming loud enough that I could hear her from 20 feet away.  At this point, the encounters I had witnessed took on more meaning. I thought to myself, “This woman is having a really hard time. Is she even aware of how she is treating others?”

As a relationship expert, I felt compelled to walk up to the woman and point out the horrible way she was treating those around her. However, I refrained. After the tree lighting ceremony, I walked with my 3 oldest children to look at a holiday exhibit of Lego trains and creations. Once again, I crossed paths with “The Union Station Yeller”. She was yelling at her loved ones again. While she was yelling, I was surprised to hear these words come out of her mouth: “I’m tired of people telling me that I yell all of the time! I do not yell all of the time, and I do not have a problem with yelling! I am not yelling and stop telling me that I am yelling!”

Applying the story of “The Union Station Yeller”

Like “The Union Station Yeller”, are there areas of our lives where we lack awareness of how our personal way of being is hurting the relationships we have with those around us? When our loved ones point out behaviors that demonstrate that we are trying to destroy relationships, rather than build them, do we stand there in defensive disbelief?

We each need to take the time to listen to what others are genuinely trying to tell us about ourselves. Each of us can take a moment to slow down and be a little more aware of ourselves. We will all benefit from taking time to contemplate constructive feedback from others. If we do, we will open up the door to living a fuller, happier life.

When those we love tell us things like “You seem really depressed”, “You’re working too much”,  “You should spend more time with your family”, “You yell at your kids too often”, “You seem to prioritize sex over other parts of our relationship”, or “Your spending behavior is going to get you into trouble”, do we listen? When we hear these things, are we willing to stop and consider if what others are telling us is true?  Are we willing to listen to the messages they are sending to us?

On the day I encountered “The Union Station Yeller”, I wanted to introduce myself to her, and tell her that she was definitely yelling. However, I stopped and reminded myself that “The Union Station Yeller” had already been told.  She refused to be more aware. She refused to courageously consider what others were telling her.

We can all benefit from slowing down, listening to those who love us most, and meaningfully contemplating what we need to change in our relationships with others.  Then, once we can clearly see what others have been telling us, we need to have the courage to change.

-Dr. Boyle is the new Clinical Director at the Sandy Location of Swinton and Associates Counseling and is accepting new clients-