Does that bring a classic love song to mind? I’ve been reading some advice given to couples therapists, and I found a marvelous phrase that speaks to so many relationship concerns. “Good Communication doesn’t mean saying everything.” (Mary Pipher) When there is an overwhelm of emotion, of wanting to be understood, we can make demands of listening and expressing that equally overwhelm our partners. Instead of attempting to give language to all of the feelings and thoughts boiling up inside of us, there are also times when we trust love, physical communication, and patterns we have relied on over years of relationship work to do the communicating that words can not. A couple can spend days of time and volumes of breath hashing out every detail of days, conflicts, and feelings. But real trust can be developed in the things that go unsaid. The understandings that started out early in a relationship that have moved beyond words. The couple who has their song, who has a routine of support, and who trusts the emotional process a bit, communicates more than language ever could.
The author of this quote goes on to say that “Good manners soften hearts.” This is the other half to the equation of unspoken affection. Patience, forgiveness, and a little space for figuring things out are gifts we all appreciate receiving, but may give a little more begrudgingly. Think of the times you’ve needed a moment to sort through things before you speak up, and think of the times you have been pressured to respond before you even knew what you thought or felt! The partner that offers the space and silence for you to sort through those things is offering trust in your process and respect for your ability to come out the other side.
There are times and seasons in our relationship, and those don’t always line up exactly for each partner. There is a season of spending every moment together, talking and understanding and learning. And there is a season of trusting the process watching your partner grow towards becoming their happiest self. With trust in the relationship you have built, those times of wordless trust contribute to stronger communication and mutual love. You don’t have to say everything. You already know. 
