In Part 1 of how to enhance intimacy, we discussed emotional intimacy and how to enhance that aspect of your relationship. This week, we will address the second part of intimacy, which is physical intimacy. As we discussed before, intimacy is an essential part of a healthy and satisfying relationship. Again, I will present some questions for you to ask yourself to inventory the current state of your physical intimacy and then provide some tips on how to make improvements.

Physical Intimacy Inventory:

1. Are you able to talk openly with your partner about your physical relationship?
2. Do you know what roles physical intimacy is playing in your relationship? Self-esteem, stress relief, pro-creation, emotional bonding, etc.
3. Are you and your partner clear with each other on expectations about sex? Frequency, who initiates, etc.
4. Do you and your partner feel that your sexual relationship is healthy and satisfying?

If you answered no to one or more of these questions, your physical intimacy could use some improvement.

Physical Intimacy Enhancement:

The following are a few suggestions on how to begin enhancing the physical intimacy in your relationship.

• Talk about it. Sometimes physical intimacy can be a sensitive topic but you need to be able to openly express your needs and concerns as well as actively listen to your partner’s.
• Be a team. Focus on improving the physical relationship as a team rather than trying to blame yourself or your partner for any weaknesses or struggles in your physical intimacy.
• Be clear about expectations. Often expectations like frequency of sex, who will initiate, whether it should be spontaneous or planned are unspoken and assumed. These types of expectations need to be clear so it is less likely that you will be misunderstood or cause hurt in the relationship.
• Define and broaden the meaning. Be specific about what a healthy sexual relationship means to you and your spouse. Also broaden your definition of what physical intimacy is. Often we focus on the traditional definition of sex and neglect the other things that make up a healthy physical relationship—back rubs, holding hands, sitting close on the couch and meaningful hugs and kisses.

When you couple these enhancements along with the emotional intimacy enhancements, you will begin to feel closer to your partner and more satisfied in your relationship. However, there are many factors like infidelity and trust issues, a history of abuse or trauma, or even an inability to communicate well with your partner that may make working on your intimacy together a struggle. In these cases, It is important that you find a experienced sex therapist to help you.

Good luck on your journey to enhanced intimacy!