Do you notice that children seem to be more entitled lately? Do they seem more demanding for things that you never had at their age? Are you frustrated with your kids and their lack of respect toward you and others?

There has been a shift in culture and expectations among young people today. This shift has not only happened to youth, but to society in general. The work of noted family researcher Dr. William Doherty suggests that there has been a gradual shift in recent decades toward a “what’s in it for me” culture. Children are sponges for this culture. They watch television where parents are disrespected by their kids. They see manipulative advertising convincing them to expect their parents to provide the newest best thing.

These and other similar influences lead kids to have unhealthy expectations regarding the role their parents play with them. They see their parents as providers of things to consume. They expect their parents to give in to their wants. Parents can enable these entitled expectations. Could you be doing this? Let me give you some examples of subtle ways parents can contribute to this to see if you can relate:

• Parents may allow their children to interrupt their phone conversations because they don’t want them to feel unimportant or stifled. It is of course important to allow children to feel heard, but they also need to learn respect for their parents’ space.
• Parents may defend their children when a teacher reports a problem rather than consider the possibility that their child misbehaved or didn’t complete the assignment.
• Parents may make separate food for each child because mac & cheese or crackers are “all my kids will eat”. Research has shown that much of the picky eating children display is an enabled learned behavior that parents enable from a very young age.

These are just a few of the many ways parents can enable entitlement. The overall problem is that parents may allow their kids to be the ones calling the shots. Parents may fear that if they don’t do everything for their children that it will result in the stifling of a child’s future successes. Or, they may fear that their attachment to the child will be threatened if they have to enforce rules or boundaries in the home. Do you fear these things?

Parents need to be the ones calling the shots in the family rather than their children. Anytime parents give in to excessive, inappropriate, or manipulative requests or demands, children have become the ones calling the shots over their parents, and entitlement is enabled. This is an easy trap for parents to fall into. Here are some suggestions that could help you avoid these and other similar pitfalls that may contribute to your child’s entitlement problems.

• • Expect your children to respect you, your time, and your resources. Focusing on respect is the major key to helping kids avoid entitlement problems. They need to learn that you are their parent and not their peer. You are their parent and not their servant. You are their parent and not their credit card.
  • Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Many parents enable entitlement because they fear they will be too harsh or stifling. Research has consistently shown that if parents have healthy emotional bonds to their children, making mistakes in parenting does not cause long-term damage. Don’t give in to entitled demands simply because you are worried about the negative impact it will have on your child.

Parenting can be difficult and rewarding. Don’t beat yourself up if you struggle with some of these things. Just make some positive changes and do your best. If you need some more ideas and live near us in Utah, come in for some family counseling.