Have you ever had the thought, “I really wish my husband would take me on a date without me having to ask him?” Then, you feel disappointed and frustrated because your husband doesn’t fulfill your needs? In a relationship, we have to be willing to ask for what we need. If we don’t, it is likely our needs won’t be met. Here are a few guidelines to help you learn how to begin asking for what you need.

1. Be humble. Often it is our pride that gets in the way of us asking for what we need. Humility allows us to realize that our partner can’t be expected to read our minds and allows us to move to the next step, which is communicating.

2. Be clear about your needs. It is common to feel like it won’t mean as much if we have to ask for it. The reality is, when we wait around for our partner to guess what it is we need, we are likely to feel let down and even begin to feel resentment. On the other hand, when we clearly articulate what it is we would like from our partner (going on weekly dates, a text during the day to let you know he is thinking of you, a back rub when you’ve had a rough day, etc) we give our partner a fair chance at meeting those needs.

3. Be positive. There are times when your partner may fail to meet your needs even after you have communicated those needs. You will see better results and be more satisfied with your relationship if you are willing to overlook the times your partner fails and pay attention to the times he or she succeeds.

4. Give feedback. Most of us respond to positive feedback so make sure you let your partner know when they do something well. Give specific feedback about what they did and why you liked it.

5. Be a giver. Ask your partner what he or she needs and be willing to meet their needs as well. Giving to your partner will help you feel happier and have a more positive outlook on your relationship as you serve your partner. As your partner feels their needs are being met, they will have more of a desire to meet your needs and you will begin a cycle of a positive interaction with each other.

If you are feeling frustrated because your spouse or partner just doesn’t seem to know how to make you happy, begin communicating and learn to ask for what you need. You will be happy with the results.