In an extramarital affair one or both partners can become traumatized actually leading some to experience PTSD-like symptoms. The event can leave either or both partners wondering, about not only their thoughts about their marriage but sometimes individuals begin to question other assumptions they’ve held about the world. It’s not unusual to be left wondering what other beliefs you’ve held firm might not be true.
Both the involved and the hurt party can carry some very intense feelings. Couples counseling can be a great way to work through these issues as it is very important for the involved party to listen and validate the hurt partner’s feelings. It will be difficult and initially it may seem like they will never let it go; however, validating their fears and insecurities brought on by the affair is very important and it is possible to get through it.
One thing to consider with extramarital affairs is that both the involved and the hurt party can be traumatized. The involved party can suffer knowing they have violated their own value system and violated their partner’s trust. Following the affair they can also experience trauma through their partner’s actions as partners can become unusually angry, vengeful and even violent in some cases.
You may feel like you can no longer predict the future, you may be right, but both parties can heal after an affair. It’s important to talk about it, understand what led both parties to that point and try to understand and empathize so you can move forward together. Marriage counseling is a great way to open the doors of communication without making either party feel too vulnerable. A marriage counselor can assist you in expressing your thoughts and feelings as well as communicating your future needs.
After an affair both parties are hurting. The offender may feel like whatever led them to that point has not been resolved. They may struggle feeling like the bad guy or girl and struggle with validating their partner and constantly expressing sorrow for the action. This may not be because they are not sorry but because they feel so much shame and anger toward themselves.
Please reach out and get help so both of you can move forward. Research on infidelity indicates that couples who talked about and worked through an affair have the ability to experience marital satisfaction at the same level as those who had not dealt with the issue. However, the same study also indicated in relationships where infidelity occurred but was not disclosed the relationship suffered greatly, and in most cases were never able to regain that level of marital satisfaction.
Whether you’re the offended or the offender, be brave enough to move past this. It will be hard but it is possible to move beyond this point in your life and your marriage. You may find a better peace and understanding than you’ve ever felt in your marriage. You and your partner may want to bury the past, try to forget about things but for most of us this does not work and it will come back. Take it slow and seek help. There are those out there who can assist you in this process.
