There are many problems couples face throughout their relationship. Some of the common problems couples tell me about on their first session include communication issues, emotional distancing, frequent arguing, financial problems, among others. One of the issues that is sometimes unspoken is sexual issues in the relationship. Some are open from the beginning about sexual problems but many are not. A significant part of a healthy relationship is a safe and secure sexual relationship. Dr. Barry McCarthy, certified sex and marital therapist, states that the number one sexual issue couples face is inhibited sexual desire (ISD). Here are a few things you need to know about ISD:
You are not alone. Research has shown that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced ISD. In fact, ISD is the most common complain among those seeking sex therapy. Even though there is often a cultural stigma related to sexual problems, it is common in relationships. It affects all types relationships, newly married as well as those who have been together for 20 years. Feeling alone and ashamed will only exacerbate problems, so take comfort knowing you are not alone.
ISD can lead to a “no-sex relationship.” Dr. McCarthy defines a no-sex relationship as a relationship where the couple has sex less than 10 times per year. Low desire can lead to a decrease in sexual frequency. Healthy sex can improve the quality of a relationship by increasing the bond between partners, help relieve the stress of relationships and deepen intimacy. When a couple is lacking these benefits, their relationship often begins to deteriorate. In fact, the outcomes of a no-sex relationship are not positive. If the problem is not resolved it is likely the relationship will end in divorce.
Inhibited sexual desire is reversible and there is help available. Having open communication with your spouse is an important first step to take in resolving the issue. Your sexual relationship is often a sensitive issue to talk about and can put you in a vulnerable position. However, there is help available. Marriage therapists are trained in helping couples improve all aspects of their relationships and are well-equipped to help you begin the rewarding process of improving your intimate, sexual relationship with your partner.
It’s time to stop avoiding the issue or being too embarrassed to talk about inhibited sexual desire or any other sexual problem you may be facing. Don’t be afraid because you are not alone and be sure to reach out for professional help if you can’t resolve it on your own. Your relationship will improve in many ways if you can begin to be more open and improve the physical and emotional intimacy in your relationship.
