Do you wonder if you have good communication as a couple? Are there things you can’t talk about? Do you find yourself wondering why, if you have a good relationship, you struggle talking about certain topics?

Communication can be difficult. Most of us are either worried about offending someone or are worried we will start an argument; unfortunately, the lack of communication is often worse than not expressing ourselves. Leaving things unsaid can often turn into baggage in a relationship. The baggage may start out small and easy to carry but over time it can become heavy and difficult tote around.  Sometimes we may even begin to feel like we should give up.

One reason individuals and couples struggle with communication is because of a fear that they are not safe to do so. They are not safe to share. Do you ever find yourself anxious, not knowing the outcome of a situation, so you end up completely avoiding it? Or maybe you feel like you do know the outcome, and that fills you with dread and fear?

A lot of couples feel like they are stuck in a pattern. Especially when it comes to arguments, they seem to go through the same dance over and over again. When working with couples I like to spend time discussing the importance of process vs. content. I’m not as concerned with what they are fighting about as opposed to patterns in how they approach an argument. This helps us determine ways we can improve the process of communication; thus, allowing us the opportunity to more effectively do so.

Of course couples therapy is always an option as well. Marriage counseling can assist you in learning important tools to improve your communication. Developing, implementing and fostering these tools can help improve your relationships. Things don’t have to be the way they always were, you can make a change, and as you change it will likely change those around you.