I want you to imagine a man who is allergic to roses. He loves roses. He makes sure he has fresh roses everywhere; in the car, in the office, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the bedroom. Every time you see him you see the effects of the allergic reaction in his itchy, red, swollen, watery eyes. You hear the misery in his congestion, and constant sneezing. Seeing this misery you ask “Why don’t you get rid of all of the roses? Can’t you see that they are making you miserable?” He replies defeatedly, “I can’t. It won’t work. I’ve tried. I’m just incapable of letting the roses go!”
This may seem like an absurd example. However, it is not too far off from what I have seen destroy many relationships. I have seen it destroy relationships between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, and the list could go on. This thing that many cannot let go of is RESENTMENT.
Resentment is anger and bitterness toward another person because you believe you have been treated unfairly. Like the man who is allergic to roses, many people say that they cannot let go of their resentment. They say, “I can’t. It won’t work. I’ve tried. I’m just incapable of letting the resentment go!” Resentment is an allergen that, if held on to, will only lead to red, swollen eyes, congested hearts, and wrecked relationships.
There are many anti-histamines to help with resentment. Here I will briefly explain one.
Place responsibility where responsibility belongs! Most people would never take credit for a Rembrandt painting. However, many take responsibility for the way that others treat them by accepting that they are the reason why the other is treating them less than humane. The truth is that others treat us unfairly because they are suffering and are wrongly taking their own suffering out on others. Remember that another person’s behavior is not all about you. We may not like how they treat us, but when we get resentful, we are showing the other person that we are accepting responsibility and providing the other person a justification for the way they have treated us. In short: Give back the responsibility so that you can let go of resentment.