During the last month, I walked into a bookstore in Salt Lake for the first time in many years. As I walked around I was overcome by the amount of new books. Each book representing someone’s ideas, beliefs or imagination. As I looked at all of the new cookbooks, diet books, self improvement books, etc. I was reminded of how many different perspectives exist in our world today. I was reminded of the many ways that people think, feel, believe, and do differently, and often get similar results.

With these reminders, my thoughts turned to the following questions: “Do individuals understand that being rigid in the way they think, feel, and behave can keep them from having a happy marriage or long-term relationship?”  “Do individuals understand that they can improve their lives by being open to thinking, believing, and behaving differently?”

Rigidity causes us to experience a lot of disappointment and frustration in our lives and relationships. If you need help achieving greater unity in your couple relationship, here are 5 of the tips that I give couples coming in for marriage therapy and couples counseling:.      

1. Remember that you are not entitled to anything. There is no reason to ever be demanding. Couples need to learn to lovingly give and accept influence from one another. 
2. Change your approach: If you continue (thinking, believing, behaving) the way that you are (thinking, believing, behaving) you will keep getting what you are getting.
3. Don’t discard an idea until you have tried it. Be more open to trying things your partner wants you to try.
4. Brainstorm new ways of thinking, believing, and doing together. Be open to exploring the things you have brainstormed in greater depth. Make sure you make a mutual decision to try something new!
5. Don’t be afraid to change traditions. Sometimes the way we have thought about or done things in the past no longer works for our current situation.