During the last month, I walked into a bookstore in Salt Lake for the first time in many years. As I walked around I was overcome by the amount of new books. Each book representing someone’s ideas, beliefs or imagination. As I looked at all of the new cookbooks, diet books, self improvement books, etc. I was reminded of how many different perspectives exist in our world today. I was reminded of the many ways that people think, feel, believe, and do differently, and often get similar results.
With these reminders, my thoughts turned to the following questions: “Do individuals understand that being rigid in the way they think, feel, and behave can keep them from having a happy marriage or long-term relationship?” “Do individuals understand that they can improve their lives by being open to thinking, believing, and behaving differently?”
Rigidity causes us to experience a lot of disappointment and frustration in our lives and relationships. If you need help achieving greater unity in your couple relationship, here are 5 of the tips that I give couples coming in for marriage therapy and couples counseling:.
- Remember that you are not entitled to anything. There is no reason to ever be demanding. Couples need to learn to lovingly give and accept influence from one another.
- Change your approach: If you continue (thinking, believing, behaving) the way that you are (thinking, believing, behaving) you will keep getting what you are getting.
- Don’t discard an idea until you have tried it. Be more open to trying things your partner wants you to try.
- Brainstorm new ways of thinking, believing, and doing together. Be open to exploring the things you have brainstormed in greater depth. Make sure you make a mutual decision to try something new!
- Don’t be afraid to change traditions. Sometimes the way we have thought about or done things in the past no longer works for our current situation.