Do you want to feel closer to your loved ones? Do you want to reconnect with your spouse or child? There is one very powerful nonverbal way to communicate to enhance closeness and reduce conflict.

The tip is eye gazing. It is so simple that it is deceiving how powerful it can be. To better understand what eye gazing is, you may recall a familiar experience of when you looked into a newborn’s eyes for several long, precious moments and felt more connected. The same is true for many types of close relationships.

Eye gazing is taking the time to attend to another with your heart and your mind. Research on the “mutual gaze” has shown to be important to brain development and attachment. It is paying attention to another person in a way that communicate the healing messages, “I am here,” “I see you,” and “You are important to me.”

It may feel a little bit uncomfortable at first but stick with it for 5 minutes or more and see what results for you. If you have the urge to laugh, allow the laughter to happen and stay with the practice.

Here are some ideas on how to do it:
1. Sit facing one another at a comfortable distance.
2. Take a moment to close your eyes, focus on breathing, and quiet the mind
3. Gaze into your partner’s eyes. Each partner should keep attention on the right eye while focusing on the other person’s left. This will reduce some potentially intrusive thoughts.
4. The gaze should be soft and relaxed trying to attain more unity and connection.
5. This can be practiced daily to establish more connection or as a de-escalation technique in a time-out to diffuse conflict.