Do you allow selfish desires to get in the way of being selfless with your spouse? Research has shown that psychological individualism has been growing for the past century. This has led to increased selfishness in romantic relationships. It is my processional opinion that selfishness is a toxic tendency that sits at the root of most relationship problems. Could selfishness be creeping into your relationship? Be honest with yourself and consider these questions (informed by the work of Selfishness expert, Dr. William Doherty):
- Do you confuse your desires with your needs?
- Do you care more about “what’s in it for me” than “what’s in it for my spouse/partner”?
- Do you unfavorably compare your spouse/partner to other people?
- Do you believe that your relationship should be as exciting and easy as it seemed when you first got together.
- Do you believe that unrealistic relationship fantasies can be reality?
- Do you believe it is your spouse’s/partner’s responsibility to make your relationship better?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, selfish thinking may be creeping into how you view your relationship. You should work to do whatever you can to make your significant other your top priority. Your partner should always be more important to you than you are to yourself. To help with this, spend some time and document responses to these questions:
- What limitations and problems do I have that may need to be worked on to help improve my relationship with my spouse/partner?
- What I can do to better meet my spouse’s/partner’s needs?
- How can I learn to live with my spouse’s/partner’s limitations and problems?
Avoiding selfishness is the key to avoiding relationship problems. Do everything you can to avoid selfishness. Focus on what you can do better, not what you think your significant other can do better.
