Whether you’ve been married for years, or this is your first holiday season as a couple, it often seems tricky to decide what festivities you will participate in, who is expected to be where, and just how much you will do. How do you delicately broach the subject of multiple neighborhood get togethers, family gatherings, and work parties? It can sometimes be a sensitive subject when one or more partners doesn’t want to attend an event, multiple gatherings are at the same time, or your little one got sick and now you must decide who is going to stay home and who is going to tackle the outing on their own.
A simple check-in on a scale from 1-10 may be just the trick you’re needing. Here’s how it goes. Whatever the event, dinner, or social gathering, each partner gets to rank its importance to them personally. This needs to be an honest, no obligation ranking, because this is your chance for your voice to be heard. If one or more of the partners is a 9 or a 10, it helps the other partner to realize that this event is important to them. If another partner is a 2 or a 3, it shows that they’re not up for it tonight, or it isn’t that important if they miss it.
This scale and ranking system works best when each partner is willing to tune in to what the other’s ranking means and then use it to help find a solution for whether to go, stay, or each go in a different direction for the night; and all without a fight, hopefully.
Keep it simple. Use the 1-10 scale to help share where each of you are at, and then make your plans from there. May your holidays be merry and bright this season! And if you’d like more guidance with this skill and others, couples counseling is always available.