This is the 4^th and final blog in a series dedicated to helping parents help their children become more resilient. The 7 “C” are practical skills that parents can help instill in their children to be able to bounce back from stressors that life will inevitable hand them. The 1^st blog that gives an overview of Resilience and the first skill Competence linked here. The 2^nd blog about Confidence and Connection is linked here. The 3^rd blog about Coping and Character is linked here. This final blog is about Contribution and Control.

Contribution is when young people choose to commit their time and energy to increasing the wellbeing of others. When young people give, they receive positive feedback like gratitude, which is validating and motivating to continue to do good. They receive the message that the world is a better place because they are in it. Statistics show that children who even give 1 hour of service per week are 50% less likely to use illicit drugs and alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or engage in harmful behaviors. They can develop a sense of purpose beyond themselves.

Tips for Parents to help their kids Contribute:

1. Parents can be supportive of opportunities for children to give rather than receive. Some ideas may include feeding the hungry, cleaning up the environment, volunteering with children with disabilities, doing random acts of spontaneous service, or caring for animals at a local shelter.
2. As much as possible, parents can match their kids with appropriate community resources, but they should not do all of the work for them. Help young people feel empowered and self-directed with their service, and parents should do their best to not take over young people’s volunteer projects.
3. Parents can help children contribute in their own families. This might look like helping children do their fair share of chores, which are appropriate for the child’s ability. This helps them feel needed and an opportunity to be validated at home. Catch kids doing good and contributing at home.

Control in this context is the extent to which an individual believes that they can influence outcomes. People with an “internal locus of control” are people that tend to believe that their actions have a direct impact on outcomes and feel more empowered. People that tend toward and “external locus of control” believe that things outside of their control will determine outcomes and are prone to feel more powerless. Parenting styles also can have and impact on how much control that children feel that they have. Through their research, Dr. Diana Baumrind and Drs. Maccoby and Martin found 4 basic parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved Parenting. Consistently, authoritative parenting is associated with the best outcomes for kids. It is characterized by high levels of warmth, responsiveness, and caring as well as high expectations and behavioral standards.

Tips for Parents to help their kids develop an Internal Locus of Control:

1. Parents can help empower kids by developing an authoritative parenting style. See the link here for more information on each of the parenting styles.
2. Parent can give their children clear boundaries, but especially on topics related to safety and respect. This communicates that parents have rules because they love them. Children crave boundaries so they know if they are pleasing their parents and because they are eager to prove that they are “good.” Clear and written expectations help kids know when consequences are necessary and can be anticipated.
3. Parents can attend to and engage with their kids. Kids crave attention, and when they don’t get enough of it, they will often find ways to get the attention even if it is in negative ways like scolding, criticism, lecturing, threatening, or punishment. When parents catch their kids doing good and spend meaningful time with them, their children will not have to act out to get the attention that they need.