Learning to draw is really learning how to see. For example, right now, draw the most detailed and representative rendition of a pineapple you can from memory. Do not look up any images or photographs. When you have completed your drawing, look up a photograph of a pineapple or buy one from the store. Compare what you drew from your memory versus what an actual pineapple looks like. You may be surprised to see that your mind’s idea of a pineapple is not as trustworthy as you thought it was.

Representational drawing boils down to 2 main ingredients seeing and mark making. Surprisingly often, the more difficult part of the two is learning how to see. The more that you can trust your eyes and see what is actually going on with shape and value and communicate that through your markings, the more accurate representation you will end up with. Misrepresentation starts to enter in our drawing when we do not trust what we see and start drawing from memory and what we think it looks like rather than trusting our eyes and drawing what is actually before us.

A similar process can happen to us a lot in life. Sometimes what we think will happen in our everyday experiences (like drawing from memory) is very different from what actually happened (like representational photograph). It seems like where expectations in everyday life meet reality and they aren’t congruent it often results in uncomfortable feelings (like the drawing being unrepresentative).

Living from expectations and the way things “should have turned out” instead of being present to what is very common and creates uncomfortable feelings. Here are a few examples:

• A person expected to arrive to work on time but was late because they got a speeding ticket for 5 miles an hour over in a work-zone, which resulted in anger.
• A person expected that they would get married by a certain age, and it did not happen when they thought it would, which resulted in loneliness.
• A person expected to be treated respectfully by others, and they were mistreated, which resulted in shame.
• A person expected to have no serious health problems, and they found out that they were going to have to deal with one, which resulted in fear.
• A person expected that they would have a long-term friendship, and they had a falling-out with that friend, which resulted in sadness.

These scenarios big or small result in uncomfortable feelings. Here are two ways to take back your power.

1. Leave Blame Behind for Accountability- Blame is a powerless place because if it is everyone else’s fault, it is up to everyone else to change it. Accountability is power because if you own it then you are able to do something about it. Your job then is to discern what part if any of the situation do you own and then separate out the things that you are not accountable for. One of the best ways to be accountable is for your own feelings and reactions. If you notice that you got highly emotional about another person’s behavior or certain situation, instead of asking, “Why does he or she do that?” or “Why did this have to happen to me?” and spending your energy trying to get that to be different, a more powerful question is, “When he or she did that or when that happened why do I feel so sad/angry/scared/or hurt?” because you can do something about that even if it is just increased self-awareness.

2. Release the Expectation and Practice Acceptance of What Is- Just like drawing the pineapple, the more that you can trust your eyes and see what is actually going instead of drawing from memory, the more representative it will be. Just because something in your life did not turn out how you expected doesn’t mean you have to like it, condone it, or even agree that it is ok in any degree. But if it is real and happening, then you can be more powerful spending your energy accepting that it has happened and showing up for the hurt feeling inside you rather than holding on to the expectation in your mind of how it “should” have been. As Byron Katie put it, “I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” Accepting what is does open a person up to feel uncomfortable feelings but processing those successfully is where the healing is.