Did you know that you don’t have to feel like you are at the end of your rope or on the verge of divorce to seek counseling? There is a common misconception that counseling should be a last resort. However, that is simply not true. Think about the health of your relationship like your dental health. We go to the dentist every 6 months for routine cleanings and check ups. The purpose is to maintain health and prevent what could be a small problem, like the beginnings of a cavity, from turning into a more serious problem, like the need for a root canal. Sometimes at a dental check up the dentist may tell me he can see a weak spot on my tooth that has the potential for turning into a cavity. By taking more care to floss, brush and use a fluoride rinse, I can help strengthen my tooth and prevent a cavity from forming.
If we apply this to relationships, seeking counseling even if you feel your relationship is good can be like a “checkup” for you as a couple. A counselor can first help you recognize the strengths in your relationship and then assist you in realizing how you can use those strengths to fortify the weaker areas of your relationship. This has the potential to save you from heartache in the future. Many of the couples I have seen can look back and recognize weak areas that became weaker and weaker until they experienced a major crisis like an affair. There are many times that I wish I could have worked with these couples just a few months earlier when their “weak spots” were just forming.
If I were to eat candy and neglect brushing my teeth, it is likely that the weak area in my tooth could develop into a cavity. Pressure at work, being parents, getting through the holidays, dealing with extended family can all act as stressors on a relationship. It is my experience that the couples who seek counseling before other stress causes a “cavity” in their relationship, often have better success with fewer sessions than those who come on the verge of a breakdown or the real possibility of divorce on the table. There is still hope for these distressed couples, but if you have the chance to go to counseling before it gets to that point, do it!
There are many ways to talk yourself out of going to counseling such as: “I’m weak if I have to accept help” or “I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do” or even “Our relationship is okay right now, we’ll wait until things get worse before we get help.” Stop talking yourself out of seeking help and look at some of the benefits couples counseling has to offer. Couples counseling can provide a safe and secure place for you to discuss issues, feelings or concerns. It can also help you learn how to communicate more effectively. (Who doesn’t want their partner to listen better?) Your counselor can help you think of solutions to problems in a completely different way than you’ve ever thought of before. You can also learn how to have a healthy argument. When couples are committed and put forth an effort, they often begin to look forward to counseling because of all the benefits they gain. So, before your relationship becomes full of cavities, get a check up and experience the benefits of couples counseling.
