If you’ve been to counseling for relationship concerns at Swinton and Associates, chances are decent that your therapist has mentioned The 5 Keys to Healthy Communication.  Sound familiar?  Essentially they go like this: the speaker has three tasks, which are 1. Share how you feel (emotionally, like frustrated, afraid, or sad). 2. Share why you feel what you feel. 3. Share what you need. The listener’s job is to:  4. Listen with intent to understand, and 5. Validate with care.

These 5 keys can make a world of difference when you want to initiate a difficult conversation and want to do what you can to make sure you are understood.  If someone else is telling you, “You just don’t understand,” try using the listener tasks to make sure you’re catching the emotion behind what they’re telling you and validating their experience.  These things aren’t only healthy for relationships though.  Believe it or not, the 5 Keys to Healthy Communication can help you get somewhere better any time you’re trying to communicate or understand.

When something happens in your world concerning the people around you that doesn’t make sense, consider the emotion.  For example, say your child has just told you they’re never going to leave home.  If you try to find out what emotion is driving this statement, why that emotion is present, and what your child needs to help them cope with that emotion, you have a definite course of action to take that can lead to a solution along with better understanding.  You can use the 5 keys to reach an understanding in a variety of situations, from parenting to work to the events going on in the world around you.