“The true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions.” –Edward Deci

Sometimes people believe in the notion that all they want is “to be happy.” If this were really the case, then very few people would do anything challenging, risk-taking in relationships, or even go to a haunted house because they would probably feel feelings other than “happy.” Being happy can even get in the way when other emotions are more appropriate like being able to grieve the loss of a loved one or mourning a feeling of loneliness when those are your genuine feelings.

I believe that the root of many people’s psychopathology is the inability to sit with and lean into uncomfortable emotions. Doing things against their better judgment to manage uncomfortable feelings often results in more symptoms. They only want to feel happy, so they avoid addressing anything uncomfortable, which keeps these negatives static inside. Here are 3 ways to help yourself process through difficult emotions instead of just using avoidance and only feeling disingenuously happy at all times.

1. Create a Safe Relationship- This can be with yourself or someone else, but create a non-judgmental space to take an honest look at the full range of your feelings. The feeling of showing up for yourself or someone else being with you can give you the courage to access important feelings.
2. Explore Your Feelings- With the courage you’ve gained from the safe relationship, try to acknowledge the full range of your emotions and what is keeping you stuck. Move away from explaining what you already know in your head and into exploring what you don’t already know but just feel in your body. When you face resistance to accessing your feelings, just be gentle with yourself, staying out of judgment, but also acknowledging the resistance fully.
3. Invite In Healing- Doubt, fear, loneliness, sadness, hurt, and not-good-enough feelings are real. If you can sit with the reality of these experiences and not run away from the feelings, then you can own them as part of your story. With new self-awareness, you can invite the feelings to be replaced with kindness, understanding, self-compassion, and validation. This process can restore your sense of self and identity and give you the courage to keep on come what may.