I love the idea of love rituals presented by Dr. William J. Doherty and I love working with my couples in finding and implementing them. I have written of rituals (traditions) importance in our marriages before but I want to look specifically at our daily rituals and why they are so important in having a healthy marriage and why every couple needs to have them and use them.

Dr. Doherty explains love rituals as positive interactions that are repeated, coordinated and have meaning to both partners. Rituals are about connection. They tell our partners that “I love you and you are special to me.” We need these rituals daily to be able to stay connected on a day to day basis and feel important to our spouse as it becomes so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. If we are not implementing our daily rituals, then it becomes easier to create more space between each other and easier to lose the connection our marriages need. Creating a ripple effect, it then becomes easier to pull away, to talk less, to touch less and so on.

Daily rituals should start out in the morning maybe with having coffee together, lying in bed for 5 minutes with each other or sending a ‘good morning’ text and then continue throughout the day with possible kisses and hugs on departings and greetings, midday ‘I love you’ texts or voicemails, 10-minute evening conversations, going to bed at the same time and kissing each other to say good night to one another even if you do not go to bed at the same time. These are just a sample of some that work for some couples (and me and my husband!). Remember, they need to have meaning and be a connecting time for you and your spouse.

Here is a very important part of daily love rituals. You always do them! Every day! Even if you are mad, fighting or hurt, you should continue to do your rituals. This tells your partner that even though you might be mad, hurt, or not in agreement, you are still there, you still love them, care about them deeply and they are still special to you. All couples experience rough patches and at times some are worse than others but if you continue your daily rituals these rough patches will be easier to get through, possibly not last as long and strengthen your marriage.