Have you ever been deceived and wondered how to move forward? How do you go about re-establishing the trust that has been lost or tainted? Consider these areas as you begin the journey of emotional healing.
Unleash your energy to fix what’s wrong It’s that subtle shift between pushing ourselves to being accountable in the relationship, and allowing ourselves to be accountable for the relationship. Changing just one word in a phrase can lead to a dramatic shift in how we approach our lives. When we concentrate on being accountable in the relationship, it’s easy to focus on the trappings that often come with talent and effort, such as money and recognition. In contrast, when our efforts are devoted to being the best for the relationship, we approach our tasks of accountability with an attitude of service and grace. Our perspective widens, as we are not thinking only of ourselves. Instead, we focus on using our talents and energy as best we can for our relationship.
Look for possibilities Perhaps you have been about to give up, when a voice inside said, ‘Come on, be patient’. I know this wasn’t how you planned it, but what are the possibilities? While couples work on this together trust can be built. No matter how desperate our situation, if we can see a glimmer of possibility and hope, we know we can keep going and take action to improve things. The challenge for many of us is taking advantage of the possibilities before us and being patient. It can be difficult to give up our preconceived notion of just how something is supposed to be or look.
Recognize abundance At times in our relationships we may live in a paradigm, a relationship based on fear, scarcity, competition and privacy. If you choose to believe it, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we have deceived another, we want to build the relationship by being willing to let your partner know about you, about your social media, emails, phone, who you talk to and more. This is often termed as being an “open book”. It is up to us to recognize all that we have to work with, learn how best to deal with obstacles and constraints and continue striving toward our goals.
Ride the changes Change is possibility. The times of change hold the most potential. We can allow our partner to express their feelings about the deception. It’s no secret that most of us resist others sharing feelings that may not be what we want to hear; it upsets the status quo; it challenges the order in our lives. We wonder whether we’ll be better or worse off when all is said and done. Being open can leave us uncomfortable for a while. However, we don’t want to lose sight of the positive side. It is exciting and rejuvenating. Allowing the betrayed partner to share forces us to grow, to view our own lives with a new perspective and hopefully become better for our experience.
Take yourself to the edge The deceiver can grow by reflecting on why they did what they did. If I can trust myself, my values and my vision enough to step out beyond my own edge, I can help myself from falling into the same trap. Going beyond the edge is a state that we typically associate with an athlete at the top of their game. Each of us can venture to our own edges. We can allow ourselves to be our best and to take risks. Taking ourselves to our edge has significance in and of itself.
Recognize what you have control of as you work on the challenges in which you are committed to. Use your energy to rebuild, look for possibilities, recognize abundance, ride the changes and take yourself to the edge. By considering these areas you can continue to strengthen and build your relationship.
