I had a goal. My toddler and I were going to scale the steep hill in front of our house. I wanted to have a “productive” morning, and in my mind, getting fresh air and exercise would be “productive”. I put on my work out clothes, smeared sun block all over my daughter’s face, and with the sun shining against our backs, we walked out hand-in-hand. I was determined.
We were doing great…until about ten steps into our journey, when my daughter noticed a flower on the sidewalk. She knelt down, played with its petals, and babbled about it. I smiled and hurried her along as I was eager to reach the top of the hill. She then got sidetracked by construction that was happening a few homes down. Next it was a rock. Then bugs. Around five minutes into our journey, my daughter stopped walking and stood still for a few seconds. She stared at the ground, walked backwards, then forwards, and proceeded to giggle. She looked up at me and pointed at our shadows. She knelt down to touch hers. At that moment, I realized she had never noticed her shadow before and was in awe. As my heart melted at the thought of her experiencing this unique moment, I looked up at the top of the hill and realized that although I might not accomplish my goal that morning, I could redefine what “productive” meant to me that day. Did “productive” mean reaching the top of the hill? Or did “productive” mean enjoying this moment with my daughter? I made the decision that being “productive” meant living in the present as my daughter learned about the world around her.
In today’s world, we are bombarded by distractions 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Being present with one’s child is difficult because our culture is all about “getting things done”. Our minds are so preoccupied with obsessing over the past and worrying about the future that we don’t pay attention to the here and now. We put ourselves at risk of missing out on opportunities to connect with our children and in turn strengthen our relationship with them.
Strong connections with our children do not occur overnight or result from infrequent grand gestures. Relationships between parents and children are “based on a thousand small moments of small, daily interactions that occur constantly in the ebb and flow of everyday living” (Wells, Law, & Johnson, 24).
In order to be connected we need to stay present. The first step in being present is slowing down enough to recognize when we are being given opportunities for closeness with our children. These opportunities occur in a “thousand small moments”. In life there will be situations where we are unable to stop in our tracks, but it is important that we spend time to reflect upon our intent – are we simply stuck in the mindset of “getting things done”? Being present is critical. When our connection with our children is strong, we are better attuned to their needs, our patience with them will rise, and their sense of self-worth will increase.
Slowing down helped me recognize that reaching the top of the hill was not as important as living in the moment with my daughter. When I reflect on the time we spent exploring nature and laughing at our shadows, I smile, knowing it was one of my most productive mornings in recent memory.
