As in the title, Marriage and Family Therapists are not only trained and work with couples but they help families as well. In some situations, part of marriage therapy includes helping parents not only grow closer and stronger together but also help in making their entire family healthier and learn how to connect with their children. Many times, parents become confused on their child’s attitudes and behaviors and what to do about them. When parents see changes in their child it can be a struggle knowing how to handle these times. Knowing how to recognize when changes occur, the way it is affecting your child and how to respond to them can make a world of difference in being able to provide them with the help they will need as well as having positive interactions and a strong connection between the two of you.

Even when nothing is going wrong, knowing how to build and keep a good connection with our children is important. Creating and maintaining your bond when things aren’t going wrong will make it that much easier when your child is going through difficult times or is acting out. They will more likely come to you during these times if they know and feel they are still loved and safe. Parents generally feel that their kids know they love them and know they can come to them to talk about anything. This is not always the case. Your child needs to hear it and feel it from you for them to feel close to you. So how can we help our children know and feel we love them? How can we help our children during difficult times? What can we do when our kids are acting out and misbehaving? And how do we stay close to our children when they are trying to push away?

These answers aren’t always easy to find and could definitely take more than a few paragraphs to answer, but here are a few things to hopefully help make a foundation for you and your child to build upon in creating and keeping a strong connection

1. Listen. It sounds easier said than done. Our children want to tell us things but are easily turned away when lectures begin, yelling occurs or receiving instant and at times, unnecessary punishments. In most situations, parents can and need to keep their own emotions under control and allow their child to let them know they are listening to what they are saying and they are validating, respecting and acknowledging them and their feelings. If it is a topic that you need to address, allow yourself some time to process the things they said as well as your emotions around these things. This will help our children want to turn to us more often, feeling safe in being able to talk to us and knowing we are treating their feelings as real, human feelings and not just kid stuff.
2. Be reasonable. Parents sometimes forget that our kids are just that… kids. At times, parents put unrealistic expectations on their children, forgetting they aren’t as experienced in this world as parents are and that they are in a continuous learning process. We can’t expect our children to react to situations as we would as adults. Their brains are still developing and that is not just our young children but teenagers too.
3. Pay attention and be involved. This sounds obvious to do but sometimes parents get so caught up in their daily lives, work and the stresses of parenting that they forget to stop, find out what their child is doing, what they are in to, who they are talking to and hanging out with and become a part of it. Let your children know you care about them and their lives by becoming a part of it. This does not mean you need to be their friend but instead a caring, loving and supporting parent.