As we all know, we must make deposits into a bank account to make it grow and to keep it balanced it when we have to make a withdrawal. Have you ever thought of your relationship as an emotional bank account? John Gottman, a leading researcher in marriage counseling, suggests that satisfied couples are good at making deposits and keeping their emotional bank account in the black.

Each day is made up of little moments of withdrawals and deposits. Often, with the busy lives we live and the tendency to focus on the negative, couples end up in the red. It takes intentional effort to make deposits that will balance out the moments when you lose your patience, forget to call when you’re running late or have an argument. The deposits consist of little actions or expressions that help your partner feel loved, appreciated, and emotionally supported. So what are some specific ways you can make deposits into your account?

Here are a few suggestions:.

1. Pick up her favorite drink on the way home from work.
2.  Give him your undivided attention.
3.  Meet each other for lunch.
4.  Go for a walk.
5.  Reminisce about the day you met.
6.  Offer to give her a foot rub.
7.  Write a note and leave it in his car.
8. Give a compliment.
9.  Express appreciation.
10.  Choose to overlook an annoyance and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

Why is it so important to consciously make deposits into your account? It is inevitable that there will be withdrawals made. All couples disagree, say hurtful things in the heat of the moment, etc. However, when you have made an effort to focus on the positive and make deposits, into your account, those withdrawals won’t affect your relationship as negatively. Think of it this way: your car breaks down  and you find out it’s going to cost $500 to have it repaired. If you haven’t been putting money away in savings, the $500 is going to affect your budget more than if you had been putting away a little each month to prepare for unexpected costs. It’s going to take you longer to bounce back from that cost if you haven’t been making deposits into your savings. The same thing applies to your relationship. Begin making an effort to make little deposits every day and the next time you have to make a withdrawal, you’ll be better prepared.