Anxiety is becoming more common in children; the CDC estimates that almost 25% of American children and teens are treated for an anxiety disorder. Children and teens who do not experience clinical levels of anxiety also have worries and fears that, if unaddressed, could lead to the development of mood disorders as an adult.

So, what do we do to help our worried or anxious child? How can we help them respond skillfully to stress and develop resilience? This series of blog posts on Helping Children Manage Anxiety addresses these questions.

Part 1 – When Parents Fight

Disagreements between marriage partners is part of life, but many children experience extreme distress when witnessing arguments. If you sense that your child may be worried about the conflict they’ve been exposed to, talk to them about the Seven C’s, described below.

• I didn’t Cause it – Children often fear that they are the source of their parent’s conflict; reassure them that what they do or say doesn’t cause the disagreements that parents have. Encourage them to talk openly about their emotions.
• I can’t Cure it – Children sometimes believe, mistakenly, that they can solve their parent’s problems. Teach them that, just like they didn’t cause your argument, they can’t “cure” whatever issues are going on between you and your partner. Encourage them to ask questions that will address their fears, and provide them with answers that are honest but age-appropriate.
• I can’t Control it – Children can’t control whether or when the adults in their life have conflict, but they can learn to control their fears about what the conflict means. Teach your child to focus on expressing their thoughts and feelings accurately, and help them learn to problem solve around ways to manage their worries.
• I can Care for myself – Teaching and modeling self-care skills to children is important. Help them develop a list of healthy coping and calming skills that they can use when they are upset, and remind them that they are practicing self-care when they talk about their feelings with you.
• By Communicating feelings – Teaching and modeling “I feel” statements helps children feel safe talking about their experiences: “I feel (emotion) when (behavior) because (thought).” Make sure everyone is labeling their thoughts and feelings accurately. For example, saying “I feel like you’re driving me crazy” is inaccurate labeling because “you’re driving me crazy” is a thought, not an emotion.  This could be replaced with the statement “I feel frustrated when you ignore me because it might mean you don’t care.”
• Making healthy Choices – Support your child in developing and maintaining healthy friendships, being physically active and making healthy food choices.
• And by Celebrating who I am! – Try to find a time to spend one-on-one with your child each day. Even just a few minutes spent doing a chore, reading a book, or telling a joke, can be affirming for them!

This list has been adapted to provide support for children who are dealing with a variety of different stressors in their life. It also applies well to children whose parents are struggling with addiction or children whose parents are separating or divorcing.

Source: (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-anxiety-disorder-among-children.shtml)