In 1944 Ingrid Bergman starred in a movie called, “Gaslight.” In the movie, Ingrid’s character notices strange behavior from her new husband. She also notices inconsistencies about him. He flips everything on her and begins to convince her slowly that she is going mad. He removes pictures, plants stolen items, and tells her she is imagining things when the gas lamps dim in their home. He pretends not to see the gaslights dim and she almost believes him. In the end, she realizes she is not crazy and he goes to jail for a murder.
Thus, like an unglamorous star, the term gaslighting was born! Gaslighting now refers to a form of psychological abuse. Victims are presented false information or feedback intended to make them doubt their own opinions, sanity, and and memory. Gaslighting is a common experience for those who live with or love a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Someone prone to narcissism has a hard time admitting fault, being incorrect, or approving of the opinion of another. Gaslighting also isn’t always done on purpose.
What someone with narcissistic traits presents to others is an exaggerated false version of super confidence and superiority. The reality is there has been a deep wound to their ego, likely at a young age. Someone with narcissistic traits needs to project their misgivings and weaknesses onto others to compensate for the weakness inside.
An example of Gaslighting would be if you brought up one time your friend was rude by causing you to trip at the pool. Your friend might vehemently deny this ever happened and claim you are making a memory up. They may even take a victim stance, “Why are you always trying to say the meanest things about me. What do you have against me? You are so unkind!”
Another example would be if every time you brought up a problem it was turned around on you. The person might claim, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” or even, “We already discussed this, I can’t believe you forgot. You never remember anything.” They may criticize you for having faults and being negative. They may blame you for being too sensitive or say they want to have a good relationship with you, but you are always messing it up.
Here is a link to one of the better articles written about Gaslighting on Narcissisticbehavior.net If you think you are living with or loving a person with narcissistic traits you need to read that article. If you are experiencing this in your relationship, consider speaking with a counselor.
If this is happening to you in your relationship, you can become a shadow of the person you used to be and lose confidence in yourself. Get help for yourself now!
