Part of being human is to sometimes face difficult emotions such as shame, grief, despair, disappointment, and sadness. In moments of suffering, it is a natural tendency to want to numb or want to take the edge off of these feelings that cause vulnerability and pain.
Most of us engage in behaviors (consciously or not) that somehow relieve the discomfort be it alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, staying busy, affairs, incessant gossiping, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change, and the Internet.
Professional researcher Dr. Brene Brown defined addiction as “chronically and compulsively numbing and taking the edge off feelings.” This definition is in contrast to the people who as well have uncomfortable emotions but don’t end up with an addiction. She reported that the difference that she found in the research was that they:
- They try to feel their feelings
- They stay aware and mindful and moderate about numbing behaviors
- They lean into discomfort of hard emotions
These people had some how developed that ability to feel their way through high vulnerability experiences. One of the biggest reasons not to numb your feelings of discomfort is because you cannot selectively numb your emotions. This means that when you numb the dark, you also numb the light. You may not feel as sad, but you cannot feel as joyful. The ability to feel and be responsive to our impressions is one of the major differences between people who are emotionally stuck versus people who despite challenges are able to process through their difficult experiences.
Dr. Eugene Gendlin put it this way:
“What is split off, not felt, remains the same. When it is felt, it changes. Most people don’t know this. They think that by not permitting the feeling of their negative ways they make themselves good. On the contrary, that keeps these negatives static, the same from year to year. A few moments of feeling it in your body allows it to change. If there is in you something bad or sick or unsound, let it inwardly be, and breathe. That’s the only way it can evolve and change into the form it needs.”
