My! Aren’t kids a pure joy and a they can be struggle at the same time. Knowing the right buttons to push can be difficult. Boystown gives five characteristics of a good consequence. In my opinion, it is one of the best lists to stack comparison next to your discipline methods.
1. Important: In order for a consequences to be effective, it has to be something the kid perceives as important. For instance for some kids lose their minds over going to bed 10 minutes earlier. Others can not handle the idea of losing game time. Whatever the consequences it has to be important for THAT kid.
2. Immediate: The consequence does not need to be administered immediately, but it does need to be stated that it is impending immediately. Preferably this is done in a matter of fact, calm tone. If you get resistance, engaging in the conflict will only serve as an effective stall tactic for the kid. Be concise, and don’t let it begin or be part of a power struggle.
3. Consistent: This is one of the hardest ones for parents. If you say you are going to give them a consequence, do it. If you only follow through 2 out of 5 times, the next time you try to administer the consequence you will be accused of being in a bad mood and get attitude. Plus, kids are more likely to take the chance you are in a good mood if they feel like trying to get away with it.
4. Frequent: If you remember the consequence once a month, that one time you do remember will be a massive fight. It is important to remember with frequency that the magic number is 4:1. Four positive rewards for every one negative consequence. If this ratio is continually out of whack, kids will find normal punishments more and more unfair. They will feel picked on. If there is no reward for being good, why should they try?
5. Degree: It is important to pick the smallest consequence that will be effective. This includes picking the smallest time frame. If a kid loses a privilege for a whole month they learn to live without it and they may be nothing else to take away next time.
Last, you want preserve your kid’s freedom to choose. By giving them clear expectations of the consequences you empower them to choose their future. Helping kids make good decisions means paying attention to all their good decisions. YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY ATTENTION TOO!
