We all enjoy the feeling that can come from being right and proving to others that we are right and that they are wrong. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing to enjoy this feeling but having to be right can get in the way of relationships, take control of our marriages, and create emotional distance between those we love. When we get caught up in the idea of having to be right and proving that we are, we miss huge opportunities to become closer to our spouse. Is this happening to you and your marriage?

When partners focus more on the fact that they are right and the other is not, the discussion (or argument) gets off course and we lose a chance for emotional connection. So what should the focus be on? Couples should focus on what is happening inside of their spouse. Rather than spouting out point after point why you are right, look at your partner, and listen to what they are feeling. Are they telling you they are in pain? That they feel scared or alone? Or they feel rejected or helpless?

Once we have stopped to listen to our partner’s feelings, it is now time to think what is more important to you. Will you be tending to those feelings, showing them that you care about them and your relationship or continue to push how and why you are right and ignore what they are trying to share with you?

I challenge you to do the former of the two and choose to create happiness in your relationship in forming stronger emotional bonds. I have seen this occur in working in marriage counseling with those from all over the Sandy area.