I remember early in my marriage I learned an important lesson. My wife has a tough job – teaching high school math. Teachers rarely get enough credit for the difficult job they do. Many years ago when I was in graduate school my wife would come home after dealing with a lot of stressful situations at work. She came to me to vent some of those stresses. I felt sad for her and I wanted her to not feel that way anymore. As I listened, I made the incorrect assumption that she was sharing these stresses with me so that I would fix it or give her ideas on what to do.

I thought to myself: “Well, I am a marriage and family therapy student… I can fix anything!” So, I proceeded to try to do just that. I offered ideas and told her what to do to better deal with the situation. Her response was: “Jonathan, I am not one of your clients”. I learned that day that what she needed from me was to just listen.

Men, listen up: If your wife has not specifically asked you for advice or what to do to fix her problem, you just need to listen. Don’t give unsolicited advice or assume you should fix things. What she need is to feel heard and understood. That is often the best fix – to help her not feel alone in her struggles. To illustrate this, watch this humorous and informative video:

It’s Not About the Nail from Jason Headley on Vimeo.