It’s a given in life that we won’t always agree with our spouse in many things, including parenting. In working with kids and parents on creating a better parent-child relationship, I often hear parents disagree but save the discussion for when the kids aren’t around. Many disagreements should wait until it’s just the two of you but there are also some that would be beneficial to do in front of your kids. Of course, we don’t want to be screaming and yelling when the kids are around but if you feel it is an appropriate topic and are calm enough, let your kids watch and hopefully learn.
1- We can be examples and teach our kids how to work through a disagreement. They will see mom and dad don’t see eye to eye on something and can usually hear the change of tone in our voices when we start to get upset. This will get the kids attention and they will be listening. Saving the disagreement for later will show them that we don’t need to work through our differences or how to work through them when they get us upset. We all have different views, thoughts and opinions and our kids do too. Letting them see that people don’t always agree but can calmly work through their differences prepares them for when they come into these situations themselves. They can see that it is okay to not always agree if you and your spouse set an example as to how to have a ‘healthy’ disagreement. Healthy referring to being calm and respectful, not screaming, yelling, or saying mean things.
2- Having a ‘healthy’ disagreement in front of your kids can prepare them for a healthier marriage themselves. Some couples I come across come into therapy are surprised that they would have so many disagreements when they got married. Some of these couples rarely, if ever, saw their parents disagree. They had a good example of how beautiful a marriage can be but not the hard side of the marriage. They didn’t get a chance to see that spouses don’t always get along or how to work through these difficult times. As parents, we can be examples teaching our children what happens sometimes in a relationship or marriage. The key to this though is showing them how you successfully worked through the hard times together.
