World renowned marriage researcher, John Gottman, PhD, talks about the importance of a concept that he calls “Turning To” your spouse.  As he explains this, he shares a story of a couple sitting together and as one of them looks out the window, they see a vehicle passing by on the street that reminds them of a fun time that they had together as a couple.  They share a brief moment of remembering the experience with positive feelings and then each of them returns to their own activities.

We may not think that brief exchanges like these mean much but they actually say a lot about a marriage.  When we are willing to respond to and share our partner’s feelings, if only for a few minutes, we are showing just how invested we are in the relationship.  There are many other small ways that we can “Turn To” each other in our marriages.  Here are a few of them:

1.  Make sure that you check in with each other at the start of every day, if only to find out what your partner has planned for that day. This only has to take a few minutes but helps insure that you both know about and are invested in each other’s day.

2.  Make sure that the first thing you both do when you get home at the end of the day is to find each other.  When you greet each other, do it with a kiss then spend a few more minutes catching up on how the day went.

3.  Find the time to show genuine love and affection for each other every day.  This can be a simple as grabbing your spouse’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze as you pass each other in the hallway.

4.  Make time for a weekly date.  Many couples tend to put this one off with excuses like “we don’t have time” or “we can’t afford to go out that often.”  Regular time together is essential to nourishing any marriage and sets a wonderful example to your children of just how important your marriage.  Dates don’t have to cost much either- it can be a simple as sitting together in a park and people watching while you talk.

Remember, it’s the little things that can make the biggest differences in our marriages.  Get together with your spouse and talk about how the two of you can begin to “Turn To” each other.  You’ll feel and appreciate the difference it makes.