I am going to divert from my typical tips this week and indulge in sharing personal insight I have gained in my own relationship. Today is our anniversary. It is a day I look forward to each year, and reflect on with pleasure. I remember the goals and dreams we shared when we were younger. Yet, we often talk about the different paths our lives have taken than we planned in those early years. Some of those paths have been exciting while others have been extremely difficult. We have weathered seemingly endless years of graduate school. We have dealt with the many trials of infertility, and the incredible experience of adoption. We have seen health crises, financial struggles, family trials, and difficult losses. Through it all there has been one constant. My sweet wife, Annie. Though I believe she would have had the strength to have weathered these trials, I know I could not have done so without her selfless support and commitment to me, our marriage, and our family.

I often reflect on my own relationship when I sit in counseling sessions with couples. I hear the many struggles and difficult circumstances couples face, followed by skepticism regarding their potential to overcome these struggles. This skepticism is often accompanied the selfish tendencies of one or both partners. I feel hope for these people because of my knowledge from years of training and from my years of practice helping similar couples overcome their relationship problems. However, I can honestly say that my greatest tutor has been my wife. She has demonstrated what research and years of practice have also shown, that selflessness can empower couples to get through almost anything.

Hence, my advice to every couple is this: if you are experiencing struggles in your relationship, the first thing you should consider is the selfishness that may be hindering your ability to do or be for the other what is needed. As couples do what is best for the other, not yourself, greater strength as a unit comes. I have seen that simple advice work as the foundation for healing for countless couples, but even more convincing to me, I have felt the benefits myself from a selfless companion. I love you Annie. I hope every couple can learn to be as good to one another as you are to me.