Did you know that one in nine girls and one in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult? It is likely that you or someone you love has suffered the effects of sexual abuse as a child. Many victims of abuse and their loved ones don’t realize the extent of the long-lasting effects of sexual trauma. Sexual abuse is a traumatic breach of trust and is essentially an attack on an individual’s most vulnerable part of themselves, their sexuality.
The first step to healing from sexual abuse and assault is understanding and validation. Understanding how the abuse has impacted their own intimate relationships can be very validating for victims and bring understanding to their partner.
Wendy Maltz, leading expert on sexual healing from sexual abuse, identifies the top ten most common sexual symptoms of sexual abuse.
- avoiding or being afraid of sex
- approaching sex as an obligation
- experiencing negative feelings such as anger, disgust, or guilt with touch
- having difficulty becoming aroused or feeling sensation
- feeling emotionally distant or not present during sex
- experiencing intrusive or disturbing sexual thoughts and images
- engaging in compulsive or inappropriate sexual behaviors
- experiencing difficulty establishing or maintaining an intimate relationship
- experiencing vaginal pain or orgasmic difficulties
- experiencing erectile or ejaculatory difficulties
If you or someone you love is struggling with these symptoms, it is likely they are feeling guilt and shame, may not realize the origin of the issues and are most likely blaming themselves for problems in the sexual relationship. It is important, though, to approach the problems as a team. Identifying the problem is the first step to overcoming the problems caused by abuse. However, it can be a difficult and complicated challenge. It is wise to find the help of a experienced sex therapist who has training working with couples and trauma. The therapist can help the victim begin their sexual healing journey and encourage the victim’s partner to be an integral part of that journey. The transformation of shame to a belief that the victim can become a survivor and is worthy of having positive sexual experiences will be empowering and life-changing.
