Have you ever heard your precious child say something that caught you off guard in a negative way? Have you ever heard your child say something like, “I am so stupid” and “I can’t do anything right?” Many caregivers almost intuitively know that calling a child “stupid” could impact the child’s idea of how smart he/she is and cause him/her to behave according to his/her belief. This phenomenon is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, when you declare something negative to yourself or another person, it is enough to impact your behavior to fulfill that declaration of “truth.” Negative self-talk has that effect.

If you have noticed this kind of talk from your child, your child needs support. You can practice these 5 different ways to respond to your child’s negative self-talk with positive reinforcement.

1. Create a Nurturing and Welcoming Home Environment
Your children will appreciate a strong, welcoming and warm homebase to return to. Most children are interested in exploring and experience life outside the home, but if they feel like they are accepted and loved no matter the results of their efforts, they will be able to openly talk about their successes and failures.

2. Talk openly about what triggers “Negative Self-Talk”
It is important to understand that negative self-talk is often triggered by fear, and personal insecurities. Help your child to think about what he/she is afraid of when he/she is saying things like: “I am dumb” or “I am not good enough” By addressing the fear of being unintelligent, you can help your child to find useful strategies to cope with it.

3. Acknowledge the Feeling, not the Words
If you can point out what your child is feeling, and name it, you can support your child to both identify what is bothering him/her and learn how to separate the problem or situation from his own self-worth. A good example is: I understand your frustration. I want you to know that you are smart and if you practice a little bit more, you will get there!

4. Talk about having a Growth Mindset
Explain and practice growth mindset by being resilient and persistent on a long-term goal (see the whole picture). Let him/her see that is it accepted to make mistakes and experience failure in reaching their goals while never losing sight of the end. Answer his/her questions about how to plan and celebrate his/her success together.

5. Praise your children for how great they are doing
Praising your child’s efforts is one of the best way to focus on the problem-solving tools he/she are using to get through a situation. By telling them what specifically you have noticed about his/her efforts or attitude you are allowing him/her to connect to you and experience a positive outcome.

In my professional experience working with families, I have observed the importance of addressing this topic with children. The best way that I have experienced a great success with my own children and others is when I use a sense of humor, a role-playing a situation, using the funniest possible circumstance. For example, if you child is afraid of participating in a social situation, dress-up in a silly
outfit, come back and address the issue as a doctor, puppy or a funny cowboy… this approach works most all the time!