Picture each individual walking around with what looks like a transparent box above their head. Imagine this box contains the recipe for their marital relationships. Next to this box is an equal sign with a lower case t which stands for truth. What does your recipe box for relationships have in it and what is the hierarchy of these truths for you? This recipe box for your relationship consist in good part of what your perception is.

Let’s look at four dichotomies from the Myers-Briggs type indicator that may very well play a role in your recipe for your relationship.

First, extroversion/introversion: While one person in a relationship may be more extroverted they may learn best by talking and interacting with the other. By interacting extroverts can often process and make sense of new information. If we seem to be more introverted there is often a preference for quiet reflection and privacy. Information processing may more likely occur for more introverted individuals as ideas are explored and concepts are thought of internally. Through reflection, paraphrasing, summarizing and open ended questions we better learn to communicate and feel compassion for one another.

Secondly, sensing/intuition: Where is your attention focused? If you seem to prefer a detailed and sequential manner you may be more in the range of sensing. Often one likes to attend to what is currently occurring, and move to the abstract after the concrete experience. If you’re more of an intuitive type you may prefer the emphasis on meaning and association.

Thirdly, what is your decision making process, thinking or more feeling? Thinking types of individuals often seem to prefer objective truth and logical principles along with deductive reasoning. Feeling types often place an emphasis on issues and causes that can be personalized while others are considered along with motives.

Lastly, judging/perception: how do you regard complexity in your relationship. Judging types thrive when information is organized and structured. Knowing that there is closure may be motivating. The perceiving individual types enjoy flexibility by being stimulated by new and exciting ideas.

None of these dichotomies are better or worse, some of us prefer one over the other with a combination of different types. In the same way that writing with your left hand may be hard work for the right-handed, so people tend to find using their opposites more difficult in relationships, even though we can become more proficient, compassionate with practice and development within our emotional bond. Knowledge of these can help us see the differences instead of labeling and putting value judgments on one another’s behavior. We can learn to see it as a behavior not something designed to be offensive. We can even learn to appreciate these differences.