By Benjamin Nielsen
A little over three years ago we adopted an Airedale Terrier. Anyone who may be familiar with this breed knows that these are extremely intelligent animals that identify more as humans than dogs. Needless to say, our girl has a mind of her own. As such, the training process has required much persistence and consistence.
Though it may seem like a strange comparison, our minds can sometimes be like a willful K-9. Over time we develop certain habits of thinking referred to as automatic thoughts. Some such thoughts can be positive and even helpful while others can consist of negativity concerning ourselves, others, or the world at large. So what can we do about the thoughts that bring us down? Can we retrain our mind to think in ways that are more positive and productive? The answer is an unequivocal yes! These processes are one of the main pillars of psychotherapy and I would love to share a few tips with you on how, with practice, you can make your mind a better friend.
1. Noticing Your Thoughts
Our thoughts are often so automatic that we buy into their content and let them affect us emotionally without even thinking about it. When we notice what we think, we are already starting the process of creating space between us and our thoughts. We can do this by rehearsing a statement like “I notice my mind is telling me that I’m worthless”.
2. Be Patient with your Mind
Breaking bad habits or trying to establish new ones takes time. It is likely that negative self-messages have been rehearsed over several years or even a lifetime. Once thoughts are triggered, work on changing your relationship with your thoughts by seeing them as practiced cognitive patterns or associations that may be as automatic as locking the front door when you leave the house. Remember, thoughts aren’t necessarily good or bad in themselves, but it is how we react to them that makes the difference.
3. Form New Scripts
Once we’ve developed an accepting relationship with our thoughts, we can more easily look at them objectively and form new scripts that are helpful rather than harmful. For example, if we feel like we are failing in our job or career, we can practice noticing the negative thought, accepting it as a thought, and then practice self-advocacy by thinking “Although I may not always be perfect at my job I am giving it my best every day and learning from my mistakes”.
