As the holidays are approaching, many of us are looking forward to the family traditions that come with this time of year. Traditions vary from family to family and in doing them, it can complete the holiday for us. These family traditions can provide our family members with a sense of security and belonging, strengthening our relationships. While we are planning our holidays and the family’s traditions it is also a good time to remember the importance of traditions in our marriages.
Just as traditions help strengthen our relationships in our families, they can also strengthen our relationship with our spouse or significant other. One of my favorite relationship books is William J. Doherty’s “Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart”. If you haven’t read it, I highly suggest it for all couples. One thing that Doherty talks about as a way to take back your marriage is the use of rituals or ‘traditions’ in your relationship. These rituals are interactions between you and your partner that have emotional meaning to both of you.
Every night after the kids are in bed, one partner is watching t.v. on the couch, the other partner is on the couch, playing on their i-Pad and some couples might think that this time with each other is a ritual. While you are in the same room and near each other, is there emotional meaning in what you are doing? Is this a significant activity in your relationship? Doherty explains that just about anything we do can be turned into a ritual but has to have meaning to both partners, be significant, repeated and planned to strengthen our relationships. Here are some ideas that you might already be doing that you can turn into a ritual creating emotional meaning to both of you:
Daily
-When leaving or getting home for the day, find each other to give a kiss or a hug.
-Sit with each other with electronics put away and talk about your day.
-Call or send a text to say “I love you” or something you appreciate about your partner.
-Leave each other love notes on the mirror or on the fridge.
Weekly
-Go on a date that involves interacting with each other and do not talk about kids, work and your ‘to do’ lists.
-Have a dessert night, after the kids are in bed.
-Write down your favorite thing that happened in your relationship that week in a couple’s journal.
-Stay in bed a little longer on Saturday mornings, talking about your future as a couple.
Yearly
-Make each other breakfast in bed for birthdays.
-Go to a fancy restaurant, requiring both of you to dress up for your anniversary.
-Go on a hike to your favorite spot.
*Remember that whatever your rituals, they need to be planned, repeated, significant and have emotional meaning to both partners.
