What is your definition of happiness? How would you know when you are finally happy? Often, we think of happiness as a state of being. However, we never “arrive” at happiness and stay there. Life is a journey of ever-changing emotions and circumstances. Therefore, a realistic goal might not be to “achieve” happiness but rather begin doing things that increase our overall feeling of happiness. When you take these three simple steps, you will begin to feel a difference in your overall well-being.
1. Look for ways to be happy with your present circumstances. Have you ever thought something like, “I’ll be happier when I lose 10 pounds” or “Life will be so much easier when we have more money.” Most of us have had thoughts like these from time to time. However, when we live with the expectation that we will be happy when we reach some sort of accomplishment or when our circumstances change, we are robbing ourselves of the happiness we could be experiencing in the present. Even in the most difficult times in our lives, we can look for the small moments that make us happy. Some people find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal where they record a few positive things they notice each day. This practice will help keep your mind on the present and encourage you to focus on the positive things. A focus on the positive, generates happiness in our lives.
2. Stop making comparisons and start accepting yourself. Making comparisons is something that many of us do everyday. It is especially easy with social media to see more about other people’s lives than we normally would. The problem is, most people only post the best parts of themselves or their day and we begin to have skewed expectations of what other people’s lives are really like. Therefore, we are unfairly comparing ourselves when we do this. Sometimes the comparisons happen so often or automatically that we stop really noticing when we are doing it. Begin by making a conscious effort to notice when you have a thought comparing yourself to someone else. Then, replace that thought with a more accepting thought of yourself. A thought like, “I’m doing the best I can right now,” or “I’m not getting the whole picture so I’m not going to compare myself.” These thoughts will begin to shift our frame of mind and increase happiness with ourselves.
3. Be compassionate. To offer compassion means to be sensitive and understanding toward others. If we are offering compassion to others, we will forgive and allow others to make mistakes without holding grudges. This attitude of compassion, will increase happiness as we let go of the feelings of anger and resentment that build up over time. In general, giving people the benefit of the doubt will be freeing for them as well as for yourself. You will find that you are happier when you are able to be understanding and forgiving. Make an effort to give others the benefit of the doubt. In addition, begin extending compassion toward yourself. It is difficult to be happy when we are unwilling to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings. Taking responsibility for mistakes is important, but dwelling on our faults will get in the way of our happiness. Instead, try thinking about the mistake like you would if your best friend had just done the same thing. Then, try being your own best friend. Sometimes it is easier to have sympathy for someone else, but it is important to our happiness that we be compassionate to ourselves.
These are a few ideas to get you started on your path towards greater happiness. Often, taking action regarding our own happiness brings a greater sense of empowerment. Take the opportunity to share how you feel with your partner. A spouse or partner’s involvement in your efforts to be happier is often an important part of the process. However, if you try everything you can on your own and you still feel unhappy, it would be a good idea to seek individual or couples therapy where a professional can give you more insight and explore whether you may be experiencing some symptoms of depression. Remember to take it one step at a time and start focusing on the things that will bring you happiness but keep in mind that life is about the journey. Take the opportunity to learn and grow along the way.
