Think it over. The interesting thing about an argument between two people is in most cases, neither walks away feeling all that happy or refreshed. Even if you have the opportunity to be “right” (keeping in mind that in marriage when your partner loses-you lose), it’s unlikely your satisfaction from “winning the argument” will outlast your dissatisfaction of being in a continued relationship with someone who is unhappy about the outcome. They call it a cold shoulder for a reason.

What if, instead of arguing and fighting to be the winner, you looked for options, opinions or beliefs that both of you can validate? Compromise does not mean nobody gets what they want because what most of us want is peace and harmony in our homes and relationships.

Have you ever had a friend you could tell anything to? When you have a bad day they are the first ones you call and they seem to understand. They know when to just listen or when to offer suggestions. They know how to validate you and show you respect, even when you’re not being the most mature version of yourself. Is this person your spouse or partner? Was that person your spouse or partner? Most importantly, are you that person to your spouse or partner?

Marriage counseling can be helpful. Counseling couples often is not easy. It is very much a two steps forward and one step back approach; so, it’s easy for some to become frustrated when certain patterns reemerge. It’s okay, that’s human nature. Even if your partner does not change at your rate, your ability to change will affect your partner, as well as anyone else in your family. It is a systemic change. As one thing (person) changes in the system, it will change the entire system.

This does not mean you need to agree with everything your partner says or does. A healthy relationship is not a yes sir, yes ma’am relationship. A good relationship consists of many things, including good communication. If you want to see a change in your relationship, talk to your partner about it. There’s a good chance they want the same thing. Making effort without talking about it can become very frustrating when your partner doesn’t respond the way you think they should. They’re your partner, don’t leave them in the dark! Let them know what your goals are and how you think you should best go about accomplishing those goals.

You can do this: Together!