Shame on you

While the numbers may vary a bit based on the study, statistics indicate approximately one in four women and one in six men have been sexually abused during their childhood. When you combine statistics for other forms of physical and emotional abuse, the numbers are staggering.

It is not uncommon for victims of abuse to inherit deep amounts of shame. The fact is that most of us carry some amount of shame, whether we were involved in abuse or not. It affects our thought patterns and can turn us into adversaries against our own sevles. Few people understand the key differences between guilt and shame.

Guilt is about the action-I did something bad or wrong.

Shame is internalized-I am a bad person

As a human being we are prone to both good and bad behavior; however, a behavior does not define who we are as a person. Many of us wear labels. I am an addict, an abuser, a victim, an adulterer, a doormat, and so many more.

Oftentimes we can forgive and understand other’s faults but not our own. Don’t let shame rule your life. I find many of my clients, regardless of abuse, are dealing with shame. It affects so many aspects of their lives, as well as the relationships they are in. It is hard for us to be totally forthright and honest with others, to feel comfortable communicating when we are carrying a lot of shame. Anger, depression, feelings of rejection or feeling unwanted, are just a few ways shame can manifest itself in our lives and start eating away at our relationships.

The anecdote for shame is empathy. Share what you’re feeling with others. You might be surprised at how much others understand your feelings and can empathize with you. If you find yourself continuing to struggle, reach out to a mental health provider. A counselor may be able to help you overcome feelings of shame and move on to a better version of yourself, with better relationships. Things can change, including you.