One of the first challenges that I give to the couples I meet with is to go on weekly dates if they aren’t already and if they are, to make their dates more meaningful. Having weekly date nights does several positive things for your relationship. First, it gives you one on one time to reconnect. It gives you something to look forward to each week, which will foster positivity in the relationship. Setting a goal to go on weekly dates and following through also creates a sense of emotional security in the relationship. Today, I want to talk about a date night idea that my husband and I tried this past weekend. It’s an activity called Love Maps by Dr. John Gottman. I like this activity because you can use it at dinner, on a walk, sitting at the park or even on an at-home date.
What is Love Maps? The activity Dr. Gottman developed is basically a list of questions that you take turns answering about your partner. Some of them are more trivial questions like, “What is my favorite movie?” while others are deeper like, “What are two of my aspirations, hopes, wishes?” The questions may include a lot of the things you probably talked about when you were first getting to know each other, but as people, we change and the answers to these questions have likely changed since that stage of your relationship. The concept behind the love maps is that knowing your partner creates a solid foundation for friendship and intimacy.
This past weekend my husband and I had some time to kill in between dinner and our movie and I thought of the challenge I give my clients so I pulled up the list of questions on my phone and we started talking. It was interesting to see which questions we could answer about each other and what new things we learned about ourselves and each other. I definitely felt more positive and connected than I would have if we had just talked about the usual day to day stuff.
Next time you go on a date, look up the questions and see what you know or don’t know about each other. You can find the Love Map questions online. If you find that you have become disconnected from each other and you don’t really know each other anymore, you may need help through couples therapy reconnecting and rebuilding your foundation.
Regular date nights are an important part of a relationship. Add a new dimension to your date night by strengthening your relationship foundation with Love Maps.
